I feel kind of blah. My mind has been racing and just moving non-stop for the past several days. It hasn't been a bad couple days....just tiring. I dunno. Do you ever just feel like you don't fit in? I feel like that all too often. I'm too young to be old, but I'm too established to be young. I'm too strong and independent to be approachable, but no one is right for me anyways....at least not right now. That and my personality is not that easy to get along with (yeah...I've been told that.)
I am usually constantly stressed, but it has become such a normal part of my life that I don't stress about it anymore. Did I mention that my logic doesn't make sense to most people? I like puzzles; I'm used to a perfect fit. Maybe that's my problem ;) Life doesn't fit into our perfect little boxes we design for them.
Ugh. I was just reminded about memories today....and that brought up even more memories. I miss feeling needed....in all relationships, but yes, mostly a romantic one. People don't need me like they used to. I used to be the one people went to for advice (some still do occasionally), but I'm no longer that person. And because people don't need me, I feel like I'm just becoming a fading season. I've been the friend to give advice, the shoulder to lean on, the ear to listen, the girl to give you confidence.
I think a lot of people in this world are either (1) really selfish or (2) think that everyone else is too selfish. I know there's a happy medium....something that I need to find. I don't know where that is though. Anyone care to give me their thoughts? How about this....is it selfish to be upset when someone else is throwing a party on your birthday? Ah, sorry....I don't know where I'm going with this, but I don't want to keep explaining that last part, but I'm keeping it as a valid question.
A lot of people have told me that if you want something so much, that you have to stop looking for it and then it will appear. I don't want to look for anything, but I can't help but keep my eyes open. I feel like I'm pleading with God....like a child wanting candy in the grocery store, but He sure as heck isn't letting me get what I wish I had. Hahahaha....He has something else "homemade" waiting for me. Frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just waiting. No excitement here.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Pizzaz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This week has seemed to go off without too many hiccups. Yay! Um, Monday....My boss got us all at work cute earrings :) She also gave me a copy of Handle's Messiah :) Tuesday.....Paul came over after he got off work (at like 9:45pm) and I fed him and we watched One Crazy Summer! Fan-freaking-tastic movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was made in 1986..yeah...that just makes it rad. And we learned that my left knee is ticklish, but my right one isn't as much. That and if you tap me on my left shoulder I will laugh my higher pitched laugh. I'm being conditioned by Paul to do so....yeah, this started at his house almost two weeks ago around 2:00am. Good times.
Um...I worked yesterday at a different office. That went well, saw two girls I knew; one I went to hygiene school with and the other I went to dental assisting school with. I was incredibly tired last night too, so I went to bed at 10:00pm. I woke up just past midnight and freaked out because I thought that I was late to work because I felt rested....I had to check two clocks before I would let myself go back to bed.
Got to be a patient in the dental chair today. I got two fillings....in between the teeth!!! Yeah....that's bad. I diagnosed one of them myself though :) Anywho, before that...I worked really hard on a patient. I felt like I was jack hammering concrete at one point. That and I had to hold a tooth stable while cleaning it so it wouldn't come out.....whoa!
Nothing much else...Oh! I got my Pizzaz! An early birthday present from my family. It's this amazing pizza cooker that works right on the counter top IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!!!! Trust me....this is the best way to make pizza! Yum! Oh! And my birthday is in a week. It should be chill. Most people don't remember it so it is usually really lax. Alcohol *whoop-dee-doo....* I had some alcohol...never a full drink. I did successfully make some people think that I had alcohol last Saturday though....hee-hee, it was a martinelli bottle. It's interesting because in some of the pictures you can actually see the lable. Wow....
Anywho, *heart, heart* everyone.....I'm off to eat food!
Um...I worked yesterday at a different office. That went well, saw two girls I knew; one I went to hygiene school with and the other I went to dental assisting school with. I was incredibly tired last night too, so I went to bed at 10:00pm. I woke up just past midnight and freaked out because I thought that I was late to work because I felt rested....I had to check two clocks before I would let myself go back to bed.
Got to be a patient in the dental chair today. I got two fillings....in between the teeth!!! Yeah....that's bad. I diagnosed one of them myself though :) Anywho, before that...I worked really hard on a patient. I felt like I was jack hammering concrete at one point. That and I had to hold a tooth stable while cleaning it so it wouldn't come out.....whoa!
Nothing much else...Oh! I got my Pizzaz! An early birthday present from my family. It's this amazing pizza cooker that works right on the counter top IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!!!! Trust me....this is the best way to make pizza! Yum! Oh! And my birthday is in a week. It should be chill. Most people don't remember it so it is usually really lax. Alcohol *whoop-dee-doo....* I had some alcohol...never a full drink. I did successfully make some people think that I had alcohol last Saturday though....hee-hee, it was a martinelli bottle. It's interesting because in some of the pictures you can actually see the lable. Wow....
Anywho, *heart, heart* everyone.....I'm off to eat food!
Monday, December 3, 2007
Just Like the Iron
Sharpening a dental instrument requires skill. You must know the angle and shape of each different tip. You must also know the proper angle at which to sharpen such instruments with your stone. If you do not take great care in keeping up with sharpening an instrument, once it's dull, it takes great effort to get it back to the original angle; it may, however, be weakened.
"As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." Proverbs 27:17
This may seem a strange relation to some of you, but I for one am astounded by the parallelism. How are you "sharpening" your friends, and who is sharpening you? It is not an easy task given by God, but a necessary one. If we are not kept in the Lord's ways and there is no encouragement, then we go dull fast. The longer the wait, the harder to return to what once was. If we are deceived and sharpened in the wrong way, it take even greater effort to return to what we were; this is usually accompanied by loss.
If and instrument in dentistry is not used, yet sterilized again with the set it is apart of, it will still become dull.
"Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season..." 2 Timothy 4:2
I had a conversation with a good friend tonight. She wants to know why she believes in what she does. There is a verse I know (which is failing to come to me this night as I look through my Bible) that tells us to be ready with an answer lest anyone question our faith. Do not forget your faith and what your purpose for the Lord is.
"For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope." Romans 15:4
"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of a man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does." James 1:22-25
I want to be that doer. It's not an easy task. I may grow weary, but God will keep me strong. He will carry your burden alongside you too. Let us all join together in community as we strive to be just like the iron.
"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galations 6:9
I hope as you read this it finds your heart, for this has been on mine for the last week. It's much less than what it should be, but I leave it to you, in challenge, to seek God in His word, and to live for him and others wholeheartedly. But do not forget yourself in the midst of this. You must learn to treasure and keep your own temple; it is then that you can fully give of yourself to others.
"Let us therfore come boldly to the throne of grace..." Hebrews 4:16
"As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." Proverbs 27:17
This may seem a strange relation to some of you, but I for one am astounded by the parallelism. How are you "sharpening" your friends, and who is sharpening you? It is not an easy task given by God, but a necessary one. If we are not kept in the Lord's ways and there is no encouragement, then we go dull fast. The longer the wait, the harder to return to what once was. If we are deceived and sharpened in the wrong way, it take even greater effort to return to what we were; this is usually accompanied by loss.
If and instrument in dentistry is not used, yet sterilized again with the set it is apart of, it will still become dull.
"Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season..." 2 Timothy 4:2
I had a conversation with a good friend tonight. She wants to know why she believes in what she does. There is a verse I know (which is failing to come to me this night as I look through my Bible) that tells us to be ready with an answer lest anyone question our faith. Do not forget your faith and what your purpose for the Lord is.
"For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope." Romans 15:4
"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of a man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does." James 1:22-25
I want to be that doer. It's not an easy task. I may grow weary, but God will keep me strong. He will carry your burden alongside you too. Let us all join together in community as we strive to be just like the iron.
"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galations 6:9
I hope as you read this it finds your heart, for this has been on mine for the last week. It's much less than what it should be, but I leave it to you, in challenge, to seek God in His word, and to live for him and others wholeheartedly. But do not forget yourself in the midst of this. You must learn to treasure and keep your own temple; it is then that you can fully give of yourself to others.
"Let us therfore come boldly to the throne of grace..." Hebrews 4:16
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Can I just PLEASE get a break?!
Woke up this morning after five hours of sleep. My cats successfully slept in my room without driving me batty, waking me up at two in the morning only to throw them in the bathroom; literally, but gently. I couldn't believe they slept!
Singing this morning went pretty well. Although somehow in the second service my mic was turned off. I wasn't sure if it was the sound booth or not, so I turned to Luanne (the ensemble/choir director) and she turned it on for me while I was singing..fun. Even with the hiccups I think it went fairly well. Although I was really tired and still am. I nodded off during prayer too for about 10 or so seconds.
So...I finally get home after being at church for nearly eight hours. I decided to clean up, I really want to make cookies, but I just don't have the energy to do it all by hand; I don't have a mixer yet.
Blah, blah, blah, I decide to get my bills paid....I find one that's overdue. Not to mention my sister had a bill of mine that she did not give me right away, and so that may be late too. Oh, but wait! My mortgage was due on the first and I have it set up on automatic payment from my checking accout....yeah, they didn't draw, so I get to figure that out tomorrow. And yet again...there's more. I have to renew my hygiene license; apparently I'm supposed to have 15 hours of continuing education to renew. I don't have that. I JUST got out of school and have been working my a$$ off since I got a job. So.....I get to lie to the department of health, because I can't practice without a license and they may or may not request documentation of these continuing education courses. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it, but what else can I do? I can't lose my job. The worst thing that will happen is I will have so many days to complete 15 hours of CE to make up for my lack of documentation.
I am frustrated....but in an oddly calm way. I don't like the feeling of chaos, and that is exactly what I'm feeling. I have so much to do, with so little time. I'm working five days this coming week, four the next while turning 21 and having four performances, and then working five days the week after that, and then I get to try to fit in Christmas in the next week after that!
I need some prayer. I feel as though I'm a fairly strong woman by the grace of God, but I have too much of my plate right now and I can't get rid of any of it. Isn't this time of year supposed to be happy and joyful? It seems as though the media has sucked those parts of this season out! I for one am choosing to focus on the love of God through His wonderful gift of His Son.
Singing this morning went pretty well. Although somehow in the second service my mic was turned off. I wasn't sure if it was the sound booth or not, so I turned to Luanne (the ensemble/choir director) and she turned it on for me while I was singing..fun. Even with the hiccups I think it went fairly well. Although I was really tired and still am. I nodded off during prayer too for about 10 or so seconds.
So...I finally get home after being at church for nearly eight hours. I decided to clean up, I really want to make cookies, but I just don't have the energy to do it all by hand; I don't have a mixer yet.
Blah, blah, blah, I decide to get my bills paid....I find one that's overdue. Not to mention my sister had a bill of mine that she did not give me right away, and so that may be late too. Oh, but wait! My mortgage was due on the first and I have it set up on automatic payment from my checking accout....yeah, they didn't draw, so I get to figure that out tomorrow. And yet again...there's more. I have to renew my hygiene license; apparently I'm supposed to have 15 hours of continuing education to renew. I don't have that. I JUST got out of school and have been working my a$$ off since I got a job. So.....I get to lie to the department of health, because I can't practice without a license and they may or may not request documentation of these continuing education courses. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it, but what else can I do? I can't lose my job. The worst thing that will happen is I will have so many days to complete 15 hours of CE to make up for my lack of documentation.
I am frustrated....but in an oddly calm way. I don't like the feeling of chaos, and that is exactly what I'm feeling. I have so much to do, with so little time. I'm working five days this coming week, four the next while turning 21 and having four performances, and then working five days the week after that, and then I get to try to fit in Christmas in the next week after that!
I need some prayer. I feel as though I'm a fairly strong woman by the grace of God, but I have too much of my plate right now and I can't get rid of any of it. Isn't this time of year supposed to be happy and joyful? It seems as though the media has sucked those parts of this season out! I for one am choosing to focus on the love of God through His wonderful gift of His Son.
An unexpected Saturday night and a much easier goodbye
An interesting turn of events. My friend Frogg was able to take a later flight back to Alaska so he was able to hang out tonight. Brandie and Laurie joined us as well. We goofed off a whole bunch, and took quite a few pictures.
I guess I don't have too much to say, but at the same time I feel like I have everything to say. It's very disheartening when friends are struggling with something, whatever that may be, and then I feel helpless to give advice. Frogg (his real name is Steven) really doesn't have a heart to go back to the Army in Alaska. He also just found out that the two guys, Christian guys, who are there for him will be transferred to a different unit. He feels very alone right now.
I've been where Frogg is at many times.....it's just hard to encourage him when things just seem to be in the crapper. Both Frogg and I have been through many trials....many similar ones in fact which is why we became such fast friends. But this time it didn't seem to matter. Ugh!
Me and Brandie we finally able to make Frogg retreat from his sorrows momentarily. Although.....we got on the worst discussion topic ever, and now that I think about it....really shallow. Basically Frogg started talking about girls and looks......first is Wow, Beautiful, Gorgeous, Pretty, Ok, and....well..basically ugly. He opened his large mouth and let's just say that no one was pretty by the end. Just a word of advice guys...don't do this.
Looks and beauty is not a competition. That's why this world is so messed up, and so many girls don't think that they are worth it to a guy. There are days when a woman doesn't feel lovely....I know I've had them, but I'm lucky to have a pretty good self esteem. It just pains me to see a girl crying because someone said she wasn't pretty enough, or whatever! I'm beautiful to God and so is everyone else, men and women alike!
Gosh, I feel like there is a much better way to say everything that I've said tonight, but nothing is coming....Well, I said goodbye to Frogg again. It was much easier and without tears this time. So now I'm going to bed to get five hours of sleep :) I get to sing today! Goodnight!
Oh, and I hope you enjoyed this "not-so-useful" entry floating around on cyberspace ;) Hahahahaha...... I'm amused by something a friend said.
I guess I don't have too much to say, but at the same time I feel like I have everything to say. It's very disheartening when friends are struggling with something, whatever that may be, and then I feel helpless to give advice. Frogg (his real name is Steven) really doesn't have a heart to go back to the Army in Alaska. He also just found out that the two guys, Christian guys, who are there for him will be transferred to a different unit. He feels very alone right now.
I've been where Frogg is at many times.....it's just hard to encourage him when things just seem to be in the crapper. Both Frogg and I have been through many trials....many similar ones in fact which is why we became such fast friends. But this time it didn't seem to matter. Ugh!
Me and Brandie we finally able to make Frogg retreat from his sorrows momentarily. Although.....we got on the worst discussion topic ever, and now that I think about it....really shallow. Basically Frogg started talking about girls and looks......first is Wow, Beautiful, Gorgeous, Pretty, Ok, and....well..basically ugly. He opened his large mouth and let's just say that no one was pretty by the end. Just a word of advice guys...don't do this.
Looks and beauty is not a competition. That's why this world is so messed up, and so many girls don't think that they are worth it to a guy. There are days when a woman doesn't feel lovely....I know I've had them, but I'm lucky to have a pretty good self esteem. It just pains me to see a girl crying because someone said she wasn't pretty enough, or whatever! I'm beautiful to God and so is everyone else, men and women alike!
Gosh, I feel like there is a much better way to say everything that I've said tonight, but nothing is coming....Well, I said goodbye to Frogg again. It was much easier and without tears this time. So now I'm going to bed to get five hours of sleep :) I get to sing today! Goodnight!
Oh, and I hope you enjoyed this "not-so-useful" entry floating around on cyberspace ;) Hahahahaha...... I'm amused by something a friend said.
Friday, November 30, 2007
My Chemical.....who else wants to say romance?
So....I woke up late this morning. About 15 minutes before I had to leave for work. Junk. No breakfast for Abbey. The interesting thing is that I had a dream right before I woke up that it was 11 or so and I didn't show up to work and no one had called me yet.
Blah...so anywho, this just started another crappy day to add to this crappy week. Seriously...something every freaking day! Monday...well, that was just an off day, Tuesday I felt nice and fuzzy with the WORST tension everything, Wednesday said goodbye to a friend, Thursday I had issues with my property taxes (The bill was never paid at the closing of my condo purchase like it was supposed to have been and they wanted me to pay almost $700....I don't have that), then this morning.....ack!
Work was just blah, then I went to grab some stuff out of our cold sterile tub. I grabbed it with my bare hands because that's what I normally do. Well, apparently the formula was changed and I feel my left hand burning and my first three fingers are getting white and spotted (like mold) where they touched the liquid. Then they turned red soon after. So I got a minute chemical burn. Weird. It was very minimal, seeing as my hand already seams to be back to normal.
After that I called up Beth because I was going to go shopping with her and David. David took us in his mustang :) Let me tell you, that car rides like butter on toast; smooth. Anywho, I was able to buy pants and a top (all black) for the ensemble performances I will be doing this month. David actually picked out the top; a nice turtle neck with some shimmer. After that he took me and Beth out to dinner at Red Robin....the second time I've been there in less than a week. :) The last time I went was last Saturday with my friend Paul....we went Dutch....Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Um, if you don't know him....he's dutch. It's funny I promise.
Alrighty, now it's time for bed. I'm going to get some much needed sleep!!!
Blah...so anywho, this just started another crappy day to add to this crappy week. Seriously...something every freaking day! Monday...well, that was just an off day, Tuesday I felt nice and fuzzy with the WORST tension everything, Wednesday said goodbye to a friend, Thursday I had issues with my property taxes (The bill was never paid at the closing of my condo purchase like it was supposed to have been and they wanted me to pay almost $700....I don't have that), then this morning.....ack!
Work was just blah, then I went to grab some stuff out of our cold sterile tub. I grabbed it with my bare hands because that's what I normally do. Well, apparently the formula was changed and I feel my left hand burning and my first three fingers are getting white and spotted (like mold) where they touched the liquid. Then they turned red soon after. So I got a minute chemical burn. Weird. It was very minimal, seeing as my hand already seams to be back to normal.
After that I called up Beth because I was going to go shopping with her and David. David took us in his mustang :) Let me tell you, that car rides like butter on toast; smooth. Anywho, I was able to buy pants and a top (all black) for the ensemble performances I will be doing this month. David actually picked out the top; a nice turtle neck with some shimmer. After that he took me and Beth out to dinner at Red Robin....the second time I've been there in less than a week. :) The last time I went was last Saturday with my friend Paul....we went Dutch....Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Um, if you don't know him....he's dutch. It's funny I promise.
Alrighty, now it's time for bed. I'm going to get some much needed sleep!!!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
exhausted and somewhat drained
Long day. Busy. But it's good to be busy....then you can't think as much. I still felt slightly off at work today.
Gosh...last night seems like it happened longer ago. My body is drained in entirety, and my soul is definitely tired. So, if this seems choppy, that's why.
I got food for me and my parents after work. They are moving. I will never again see my house that I lived in since I was 10, or my shoninger piano. This is the home where I became who I am today. It's so strange to think it's no longer there for me to go to. More than anything though.....I'm REALLY sad that my parents aren't going to live as close. I know I will get over this, but lately it has been so nice to see them at least once a week and to have dinner with them. I love talking with my mom and it's way easier to talk with her in person than on the phone. I love my daddy's hugs! I'm going to miss those.
I guess it's just a part of growing up.....something which I feel I had to do way too fast sometimes. But my friend Elizabeth Morris said today that we are women of ambition. We set out to complete a goal and we do it....fast! Hahahaha.....some goals aren't that easy though. That's when we play tug-of-war with God and think that we should have something sooner or later. I know that I'm supposed to do something more...I just can't seem to figure it out yet. I've been thinking a ton about singing. I know I've said that I don't ever want to become famous, but then again....isn't singing in front of a crown some sort of fame anyway? I know I would really love something like that. At the same time I think about finding some kind of dental group that goes to third world countries and provides dental treatment.....or even just a simple "regular" mission trip.
Ugh......I'm to tired to be thinking like this..........................it just makes me more restless....which is how I have been for the last week. Blah. I'm going to go eat dinner now....cold cereal. Yup, because I have no energy to make myself food.
Oh! And choir practice went well tonight. I sang hard, and loud. I felt really strong in my solo too...even though I had no monitor :) It will be awesome this Sunday.
Gosh...last night seems like it happened longer ago. My body is drained in entirety, and my soul is definitely tired. So, if this seems choppy, that's why.
I got food for me and my parents after work. They are moving. I will never again see my house that I lived in since I was 10, or my shoninger piano. This is the home where I became who I am today. It's so strange to think it's no longer there for me to go to. More than anything though.....I'm REALLY sad that my parents aren't going to live as close. I know I will get over this, but lately it has been so nice to see them at least once a week and to have dinner with them. I love talking with my mom and it's way easier to talk with her in person than on the phone. I love my daddy's hugs! I'm going to miss those.
I guess it's just a part of growing up.....something which I feel I had to do way too fast sometimes. But my friend Elizabeth Morris said today that we are women of ambition. We set out to complete a goal and we do it....fast! Hahahaha.....some goals aren't that easy though. That's when we play tug-of-war with God and think that we should have something sooner or later. I know that I'm supposed to do something more...I just can't seem to figure it out yet. I've been thinking a ton about singing. I know I've said that I don't ever want to become famous, but then again....isn't singing in front of a crown some sort of fame anyway? I know I would really love something like that. At the same time I think about finding some kind of dental group that goes to third world countries and provides dental treatment.....or even just a simple "regular" mission trip.
Ugh......I'm to tired to be thinking like this..........................it just makes me more restless....which is how I have been for the last week. Blah. I'm going to go eat dinner now....cold cereal. Yup, because I have no energy to make myself food.
Oh! And choir practice went well tonight. I sang hard, and loud. I felt really strong in my solo too...even though I had no monitor :) It will be awesome this Sunday.
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